


shaking, breaking

by revoleotion



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Character Death, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, Post TLJ, description of injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23879731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revoleotion/pseuds/revoleotion
Summary: It’s painful being you. And it’s painful being around you.Hux is shaking. It’s your fault, isn’t it?
Relationships: Armitage Hux & Phasma, Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	shaking, breaking

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by artwork by @/first-disorder on Tumblr, and written for @/http.domhnall on instagram.  
> \- ben

But of course, you don’t control death. You control many things but you couldn’t control this. If you are honest, things are spiraling out of your control quicker than you can pick them up again. Your mind is a dark void and it keeps sucking you in. Not just you, it now sucks in everyone around you. 

It’s painful being you. And it’s painful being around you. 

You can’t tell what hurts more but you’re not the one shaking right now. 

Hux is shaking. It’s your fault, isn’t it?

He’s put the New Republic through hell, he’s fanatic, he’s been groomed into worshipping the Empire and yet he thinks he’s better than it. He walks around like owning the galaxy is his birthright - born a bastard, fragile, weak. 

You like to hate him because it’s easier to hurt him like this. Or that’s what you tell yourself because stepping down on a tortured puppy brings little satisfaction. And he’s more of a puppy than a guard dog, isn’t he? The Force has denied him power he so desperately craves. 

But this isn’t about the Force. If you are being honest, this isn’t even about you. And you are angry that it’s not. You wanted to deny it, all those years he looked at you and the Force whispered, “desire”. When he looked at her, this stupid shiny trooper, and the Force whispered, “trust”. Why did you never have that?

But you miss it too. Because now he looks at you and the Force is silent. You have broken it, you have ruined it way beyond repair. You don’t even know when. When he tried to shoot you and you sucked the color from his face and the air from his lungs? When he scrambled to his feet, coughing, tears in his eyes, so easy to just wipe away and get rid of. But you held back and you could still see something in his eyes that was trying to decide if he hated you yet. 

You did not hold back on the bridge. Not when his first, gentle, “That’s enough” reached into the void and pulled you out, pushed you into blinding red-and-white reality, and maybe you even knew he was right before he repeated it, “THAT’S ENOUGH”. You wanted his lungs to burst so he could never do this to you again. You never wanted to see this clearly again, even if it meant taking him out. 

You did not care if he died. You didn’t. You know you didn’t. You remember thinking that it did not matter. What was worse, the scream or the sound of his body smashing against that wall?

But even then he looked at you and his heart mirrored the cracks in his face where the sharp edges of the interior had slit open his pale skin. But it was cracked, not shattered. You could feel his thoughts racing, the names of people he had survived, the nice memories of you he was clinging on like a lifeline. When he took his first shaky breath through bruised lungs, you turned away. 

The Force still whispered it to you when he stared at you in that cave. It wasn’t as pure anymore, it has stopped being pure long ago. He hates and loves you. 

And now he’s nothing. 

It’s not about you. You have broken him but her death has annihilated him. There wasn’t much to recover but the armor did not leave any room for error. Hux has lost every single battle today. 

Hux is shaking. He clenches his hands to fists and leaves bloody marks in his palms. Of course he thinks you don’t notice because he hides his arms behind his back. You make a step towards him, and another one when he flinches away from you. You grab his chin, push it up and search for what has been in his eyes, days, minutes, hours ago. 

“You’re shaking,” you say. 

His lips don’t move. He hasn’t said anything since he saw her body. The memory of their last interaction has been so loud that you could feel it in the Force. Out of all the horrible things that happened in the First Order, those two parted with a smile. You can’t remember the last time he smiled at you and meant it. 

Hux allows you to touch him for a few seconds, then he makes a step back and swallows whatever he is thinking right now. His face is a crime scene. You are responsible for most of the blood on it. 

The scavenger girl calls you Ben. You are starting to think that not even Ben could crawl out of a grave he dug himself. You are starting to think that you are slowly digging Hux’ grave, and you lock him in with Ben and your parents and everything pure you have managed to destroy. 

Hux is shaking. He looks at you and he feels nothing. You feel everything. 


End file.
